Monday, July 23, 2012

Malapropist Tribune: 7/23/2012


Words looked up in the course of reading. Definitions copied (with some degree of error) from my American Heritage Dictionary. Examples pulled straight out of my ass.

coquette- (n)
A woman who regularly makes romantic or sexual overtures; a flirt. “There’s something lurid about high society – take for instance the sheer volume of coquettes on the croquet field today.”

eschatology- (n) The branch of theology that is concerned with the end of the world or humankind. “A scholar of eschatology, Father Francis has taken to toting a polished and primed Glock in his hollowed King James bible.”

maelstrom- (n) A violent or turbulent situation; a whirlpool of extraordinary size and violence. “They built a roundabout in place of a freeway exit by my girlfriend’s place, meaning that every time I go to pick her up I’m forced to navigate a maelstrom of traffic and near-collisions.”

ephebe- (n) A youth between 18-20 years of age in ancient Greece. “There’s something haunting about the drug-addled ephebes that float like ghosts through Pike Place Market early Sunday afternoons.”

hydrocephalus- (n) A usually congenital condition in which abnormal accumulation of fluid in the cerebral ventricles causes enlargement of the skull and compression of the brain, destroying much neural tissue. “Toddlers all seem to possess a certain top-heavy, hydrocehalitic quality that I find positively unnerving.”

subsume- (v) To classify or include in a more comprehensive category or under a general principle. “The research Joseph was doing on our parent company’s volatile and lethal cell phone batteries was subsumed suddenly into the Acceptable Cost and Loss Mitigation department.”

fantod- (n) A state of nervous irritability; nervous movements caused by tension; an outburst of emotion, a fit. “If you so much as mention the Wizard of Oz to Daniel, he’ll get like the raging fantods all up and down the left side of his face.”

efficacious- (adj) Producing or capable of a desired effect. “The pot brownies, efficacious as they were, rendered Susan catatonic for about 36 hours.”

maffick- (v) To rejoice or celebrate boisterously. “There’s something special about an LA team winning a championship – you know, the sort of mafficking that involves flipping cars, looting video stores, and throwing fire bombs.”

chiaroscuro- (n) The technique of using light & shade in a pictorial representation; the arrangement of light & dark elements in a work of art. “I have an especially soft spot in my heart for the chiaroscuro hard-boiled detective series of Calvin and Hobbes comics.”


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