Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Malapropist Tribune: 8/1/2012

Words looked up in the course of reading. Definitions copied (with some degree of error) from my American Heritage Dictionary. Examples pulled straight out of my ass.

perfunctory (adj) - Done routinely and with little interest or care; acting w/ indifference. "After several years of attendance, even a quadruple hit of LSD can't do much to liven perfunctory company dinners."

portcullis (n)- A grating of iron or wooden bars or slats, suspended in the gateway of a fortified place & lowered to block passage. "The King had an ugly habit of ordering his men to drop the portcullis on ever other passing peasant, making more or less unpopular among the masses."

codicil (n)- Law: A supplement or appendix. "It turned out that according to some buried codicil in my contract, I was in fact required to work 60 hours during Christmas week."
cordite (n)- Any of a family of smokeless explosive powders consisting chiefly of nitrocellulose, nitroglycerin, & petroleum that have been dissolved in acetone, dried, & extruded in cords. "The gunman blew a string of cordite vapor from the barrel of his revolver."
extrude (v)- To push or thrust out, to shape by forcing through a die. "I don't remember my mother well, save for a series of sunlit memories of her in which she extruded icing through a silver-tipped nozzle onto fresh-baked cakes & cookies."

miasma (n)-
A noxious atmosphere, an influence. "I have to be careful with what I say at work, lest I spread a miasma of hate about the office."

contracture (n)- A
n abnormal, often-permanent shortening, as of muscle or scar tissue, that results in distortion or disfiguration. "The gate attendant's contractured arms forced Bill to sort of lean way in to hand him his tickets.
votary (n)- A person bound by vows to live a life of religious worship or service; a devout adherent of a cult or religion. "He wasn't so much an agent as he was a votary of the secret service, bathing, exercising, and during particular stretches of loneliness, even sleeping with his gun and badge."
vicissitude (n)- A change or variation; a usually unforeseen change in circumstance or experience that affects one's life, especially in a trying way. "It's life's little vicissitudes that have a cute habit of leaving you scratching your noggin and trying to decide between the noose, revolver, or family-sized bottle of Tylenol."

acrostic (n)- A poem or series of lines in which certain letters, usually the first in each line, form a name, motto, or sentence when read in order. "Post modern anti-structuralists be damned - the acrostic poem is our generation's richest art form."
wimple (n)- A cloth worn around the head, framing the face, and drawn into folds beneath the chin, worn by women in medieval times as part of the habit for certain orders of nuns. "Do you ever feel like you were born on the wrong era? I often find myself on the bus longing to make eye contact for a lovely-eyed and primly-wimpled young lady."

ort (n)- Small scrap of food leftover after a meal is finished. "I refuse to make cornbread when we have company. David's like a human vacuum cleaner when it comes to those inevitable golden orts."


No comments:

Post a Comment