Have I mentioned my Craigslist obsession? No? Good--better not to. Just know that, at some random hour in the early, early morning, I found a young woman who needed a certified teacher, grade-school teacher, preferably, to answer a number of questions for a college-assignment she was working on. Now, although I'm not a teacher, I figured I might be able to help her out anyway. The following is copy-and-pasted from my email:
Robert Fitzgerald to pers-d4g88-135.
Still need help with that project?
Colleen to me
Yes please! :)
Robert Fitzgerald to Colleen
What do you need to know?
Colleen to me
Well, I have 5 questions, they require an explanation, so if you could please answer them? Also, I tend to ask a lot of questions and like to be very detailed, so if I have any questions about your answers, then may I ask them? (I have to write an essay on our interview). Oh! and just as a little background, what grade and subjects do you teach and for how long have you taught them?
1. What are some examples of typical, quick decisions teachers make on a daily basis?
2. What was the impact of those decisions on the classroom environment?
3. Were the decisions effective?
4. What steps do you take when making a difficult decision in the classroom?
5. Have you ever made a bad decision? If so, how did it turn out? Did you do anything to rectify it? If so, what did you do?
6. What were the 5 most difficult school-related decisions you made this week? What made them difficult?
Thank you sooooo much, your a superstar :)
Robert Fitzgerald to Colleen
1. What are some examples of typical, quick decisions teachers make on a daily basis?
Well, first things first: kids are crazy. And I mean crazy. I’ve been teaching primary school for sixteen years now, and I swear to God Almighty I’ve seen kids do unspeakable things, survive mortal danger, and say the darndest things (heh-I stole that one from Bill Cosby, if you didn’t notice). So you want to talk about quick decisions? How about, do you stop Tommy from swallowing the rest of the marbles he’s holding from his hand, or to you stop Suzie from taking out Beth’s eye with an umbrella? The quick decisions I make all involve collateral damage. I mean, the thing is that kids are going to get hurt—that’s just a given. You can’t have an entire demographic of people that do things like ride down the stairs in a laundry basket, or “play knights” with broomsticks and red flyer wagons and expect them to not get hurt. So, I try and make the big saves, stop the really irreversible stuff.
2. What was the impact of those decisions on the classroom environment?
I honestly believe that if a teacher’s decisions had any impact whatsoever on a classroom environment, less of my friends would have quit the district to work at the post office.
3. Were the decisions effective?
In the case I cited in question one, yes. My decision to prevent one student from gouging out another’s eye with an umbrella prevented the loss of that student’s eye. Sometimes you’re not so lucky, though, and that’s when you realize that’s all it is: luck. I mean, one kid has both his legs and plays football, another one only has murderball as a legitimate sporting activity. And have you seen murderball? It’s crazy, and it’s bad luck for anybody who has to play it.
4. What steps do you take when making a difficult decision in the classroom?
Well the most important thing is yelling really loud so that the kids will be quiet and I can think. When everything is good and silent, I like to sit down, because I find that my thoughts are less likely to wander off if I’m in a sitting position (I guess you could say I take no “steps” in decision making, huh?). And I mean, you have to think of the kids’ feelings too. You have to not yell too loud at the ones that cry easily.
5. Have you ever made a bad decision? If so, how did it turn out? Did you do anything to rectify it? If so, what did you do?
I don’t know that there is such a thing as a “bad” decision. Personally, I’m a believer in predestination—that’s John’s word. If God has ordained every action I’m to ever take, how can any of them be bad? It’s a logical fallacy that keeps people down, and will continue to until people learn to reimagine our relationship with time. Honestly—that’s what you kids should be learning about now, at whatever school you’re in. You should put this in your letter: That it doesn’t matter how much math, science, or whatever you feed these kids: if the general way we perceive our existence remains the same, there can be no spiritual growth.
6. What were the 5 most difficult school-related decisions you made this week? What made them difficult?
Well seeing as how these last five questions were all about school, and I just did them, technically, this week, I’m going to shave to say the five decisions I’ve just made in answering these questions.
Colleen to me
Thanks a bunch!
Okay so I realize its really late so feel free to answer these questions in the morning.
Q.5: I suppose what I should have asked is if any of the decisions you had made backfired or if you regretted making them, I understand what you mean about predestination and I do not mean to focus on the negative aspect of situations.
Q.6:I do realize that it is still summer vacation, so are you planning anything or deciding something for the upcoming year?
Robert Fitzgerald to Colleen
Q.5 I don't think God's plan "backfires," and thus, I don't regret anything that happens. Sometimes his plan can be cruel, or hurtful, but I only try and understand.
Q.6 See above.
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